Good Air: Mid-Run Reflection.

There is always a sense of pride and accomplishment when setting up a big show. Growing up, with dreams of art-stardom in my head, I always pictured the stereotypical white-cube gallery with large-scale artwork adorning its walls; crowds of people clamoring to get close to the latest painting; waiting lists a mile long; the artist, me, happily walking semi-anonymously amongst the crowd almost like a spy in my own party...

While the latter few daydreams haven't quite come to pass (on second thought I am fairly anonymous...) Good Air brought that "ideal" setup to life and provided a welcome but somewhat unfamiliar sense that I had "made it" to some extent. Truthfully any time a feeling like that creeps in I reflexively call to mind the many signs that I have not, in fact, "made it", but either way, when I left the gallery on the final day of setup I felt accomplished and even a bit impressed with how nice it all looked. In that moment I felt proud...

I took a few days off from my day job for setup and though it sometimes felt a bit like I was cosplaying as a professional artist, I loved every minute of it. From digging through piles of paintings, to sore fingers from endless stretching...even getting some knee-wobbles at the top of the ladder was something that made the setup feel like I was doing something beyond the confines of my personal studio. I'll admit, the entire time I wished I had a blank canvas available to doodle on, but this was real and measurable; art in action, so to speak.

One of my favorite moments had to be spreading out 30 or 40 paintings across the gallery floor, taking up almost the entire space. This was less than half of the Pandemic Painting series, but seeing them all laid out brought an almost overwhelming sense of pride and energy. I know I like what I produce and I know I make a lot, but this was maybe the first time it's been laid out in such a way where I could get a sense of, not only the number of paintings, but the quality (IMO at least) as well. Seeing the colors and shapes interact from one composition to the next filled the space with commotion in a way I haven't felt in years and, in some ways, made it all seem worthwhile.

As I stood on the ladder overlooking the collection, I felt like I accidentally may have found the perfect way to experience the Pandemic Painting series. My next pitch might have to be somewhere with a footprint large enough for a floor installation of the paintings, forcing the viewer to physically move around the unstretched canvases, viewing them from a variety of angles much more similarly to how they were made in the first place. 

The hardest part was realizing I couldn't leave it like that and, eventually, I had to roll them all back up after installation was complete. It's this constant juxtaposition of elation and resignation that exemplifies the struggles of being a dedicated artist without a ton of return to show for it. Passion, energy, and belief are quickly followed by doubt, all of which are eventually overwhelmed by the compulsion to cover another canvas. Rinse, repeat and before you know it you're waiting for another opening with the same daydreams and fears buzzing through your mind a month, a year, ten years down the road... 

There's about a month left for Good Air and I'm definitely entering that melancholy phase of reflection. It's no longer the shiny new object, but one awaiting its demise, so to speak. I loved the setup; I love the results; I loved seeing the collection spread out, but all I can do now is promote it for a few more weeks, hope it's enjoyed and then it all comes down to head back to storage. Was it worth the work? Yes...It almost always is. Was it successful? Yes, I think the show looks fantastic, the art is a great example of my recent work, and I think it showcases the quality of that work. Was it a success? The answer depends on how you measure that and these days I think my definition constantly changes. 

Good Air is up at the Thelma Sadoff Center for the Arts through March 21st. Contact me with questions or inquiries and contact the gallery for purchase information while the show is up.